Growing up made me realise on how many great people there are. Then there’s me.
In the bleep of my existence, I try to compete with such people. People who proudly put countless effort to be the very best they can.
Let’s brush through to my achievements:
My early years, 9-16 year old:
- Athletics: was a good athlete but never competed at an international event or represented my country. Won some trophies!
- Music: I used to play the B(flat) Baritone Horn for a number of years, won some awards from my local band club.
- School: I was never an A student, but did pass my test easily with little to no studying
The above were the golden years, I miss them.
The tormented years 16-21 year old:
- Athletics: developed a chronic injury, used to end up in such pain that I had to take pain killers after a session.
- Music: had my braces riveted to my teeth, took a break but never started again. Was never my favourite.
- School: with the help of some private lessons I made it into University, where I dropped out after repeating my first year.
- Gaming: my only get away. Played an online game called ‘Knight Online’ for countless hours. Was really good at it at one point.
Adult life till present:
- Athletics: I stay in front of a computer more often than not.
- Music: not a huge part of my life, though I still appreciate it.
- School: started reading for a degree in Life Sciences (Hons.), made good progress achieving Distinction passes in most of my modules. Hope the important ones will go as well.
- Gaming: I do try to game whenever I can, I noticed that without constant practice I’m an average player at most.
- Work: had the same job of Laboratory Analyst for 10 years now. I did have good times in my job, where I was considered one of the best in my section, but it’s past now.
Why am I doing this….well, I don’t feel good at anything anymore. I’m just an average bloke.
Even with regards to inter-personal relationships or knowledge, I feel average.
What defined me when I was young, especially athletics, have now faded into nothing. I’m not the best or surprisingly good at anything anymore.
I’m not saying this for the attention. This is how I truly feel.
I wish to change that, but circumstances influence the ability to change.
Going back to being an athlete would be great, but that would mean subtracting something else from my life, maybe after my studies are done.
Music doesn’t really interest me anymore, I prefer playing records or audio files.
School takes up a lot of my current time, can’t wait for all this to end. Never liked school.
Gaming would require endless hours of honing my skills and again it’s too much time for such a little reward. Me and gaming are in a love and hate relationship. To be honest, I wish I had more time and be good at it.
Work, that is my only zone I currently can keep improving on. I have to do it anyway, might as well do it well. I wish I would be a respected analyst, one everyone would ask for some help or trusted with that all important analysis without a glimpse of doubt.
I have a long way to go, the lust for the job had deserted me for a long time. My skills laid stagnant. Talking to others on the job makes me realise how little assets I have. They have tons of experience and know-how that I don’t.
Besides all of this, the mental stress of such a job has made me wishing I had another alley to go through.
While I love blogging, I don’t really think I’m the best at it either. My english is quite bare even though I try my best to hide it. Some bloggers tend to get more likes with much less effort. I do feel disheartened at times but I don’t want this to be another failure. Even here I have a long way to go.
So here I am. Feeling like I’m ok at quite a lot of things, but I still long the feeling of being good at something which I have a passion for. I long to have an insatiable desire to do something and be great at it. That brain tingling sensation that you feel when you achieved greatness.
Do you ever feel the same?
What is fueling your motivation to become the best?